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| In need of focus, BUT I am dissociating to xanga post...I need to write this paper called "Sexual Development" of my life. It is due tomorrow 12pm... This paper has been on my mind for last 2 months... But my heart is filled with anxiety and hmmm... let me gut check... I feel FEAR too... DAMN IT!
so what do I do? I am writing on my xanga... this will allow me to delay my entering into the paper... for at least 10 minutes... SOOO~~~
hmmm...
I don't know what to write about... cuz my mind is consumed with this paper... sooo~~ I will just update my life...
I have resigned from Zion Presb. Church and my last day will be November 2nd 2008.
I feel sad... I feel the loss... and especially feel the pain of seeing my students go through their anger, confusion, pain, sadness, ambivalence, loss, and much more...
saying goodbye is always tough... I have realized that I don't do well with goodbyes, because there were too many of them in my life... But through the student's tears, I was able to grieve with them... For that, I want to say THANK YOU to those who shed your tears for us. It was truly a gift. And those who shared the burden of this loss, thank you for bearing it with us.
I can't believe it's been 4 years I've been at Zion... Going back, I can remember our FIRST christmas skit... it was so awesome! James Lim and Peter Church doing the multi-media/real life fight scene... the background music... : ) it was awesome...
Andrew with his axe scaring the poop out of kids... dang!
Eating those pork belly meat almost every week during the summer.
man... so much...
There's so much more... But I must now go back to my battle.. 10 min is up.
Maybe next week, I'll enter into our end together more...
Until then, keep me in prayers my friends!! I need every single one of them! : )
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| School, Take THREE!Can't believe it's almost September. It's school time, and I am very excited to learn and do life for the rest of the year.
Before I enter into another season of learning, I would like to reflect the summer that went so quickly.
Beginning of the Summer: It was just PUUURE tennis time. Played so much tennis! : )
Mid Summer: Some how and some way, my family stuff was being dealt with. It is still happening, and wow... What a ride it is. Full of sorrow, anger, love, hope, frustration, acknowledgment and Christ...
Went back to New York. It had been 4 years since I was there, and it was so good to eat good food and meet up with my friends. The best part was meeting my mentor, friend, Charles, my first youth pastor. It was good to show him how I have grown, and giving him the honor and the credit of how his influence made who I am right now possible.
End of Summer: COLD... : ( felt like I only experienced two to three weeks of summer this year.... The money came through for the school, and I am going back to SCHOOL! : )
As I look back, my plan was to just SLEEP, and play tennis. But LIFE happened. It was truly an unpredictable summer.
I am now READY to learn again! : ) Bring on the BOOKS! : ) : ) : )
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| SHIFT in my mind...This week has been enlightening for me.
I started my summer book list with a book called "Everything Must Change" by Brian D. Mclaren. Subtitled: Jesus, global crises, and a revolution of hope.
Yurah asked me via facebook to talk about "Where is God when all the earthquakes, problems, wars, basically saying where is God in this deep poop-hole that this world is in."
Sarah asked to raise funds for the Chinese Earthquake Relief, and WE DID! : ) we raised 240.00! AWESOME!
Also, I can't get the man that we met at greenlake out of my mind. He was a Chinese man who played volleyball-kill with us. Seem very sincere and kind... Yet he was an "odd" one in the standards of U.S. THE A. culture.
North Korea is always on my mind.....
Things are happening around the world... in a very fast pace... earthquakes, tornadoes, wars, nothing changing in Iraq. People dying... the people in Myanmar are being kicked out from their refuge camps... their government is neglecting them... another earthquake hit Philippines... The beef stuff in Korea... (mad cow disease stuff). The gas prices going up, heard it will go up to 5 dollar soon..
In midst of all this, the Church in America and other western Christianized organizations are building their own EMPIRES in their own ways... They are preaching BS Gospel and living a life that is truly dead... It is in this dreadful system that we are in that has infiltrated the minds of the "Christians." There is no cost... Where is the COST for following after Christ.. the TRUE GOOD NEWS... the TRUE Gospel... The story of OTHERNESS. Truly loving and giving...
I feel great sorrow and uneasiness as I attend worship events, conferences, preachings... What are we trying to maintain so much that we forget to count the cost for Christ? Where is the Cross? What is the Cross... Do we really want to bear the burden of the Cross? Is this message being preached to our generation?
I just saw Rambo IV : ) Horrible movie.. But there was "truth" in it... The genocides and the mistreatment of the poor, women, children, and the weak are portrayed truthfully in the movie. It is still happening...
In United States, it is happening through emotional/mental harm... (though there is still physical abuse and great harm done in the darker side of US)
In China, North Korea, Myanmar, Iraq, and other countries in the world, it is happening through horrific physical actions... HORROR... Guns that are sold by US (over 50%, and the French/British, and other WELL OFF nations...)
I knew about these things before... BUT this week... I am being stirred... There is a shift that I can sense in my mind and heart...
I am angry... disappointed... and saddened... So I ask myself, now what? What am I gonna do with this shift?
I will seek out opportunities in the context that I am in to get involved... First, in knowledge, and then I pray that God will open up the doors for me to join with the right people to create hope... Let's see where this will go... Maybe this is the spark towards NK. One day...
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| Another UPdate~I have just come back from the Young-Parent-Age-Group Retreat. They asked me to help them out with their children while they do their retreat thing (basically baby sitting). I must say, it was very nice. I got to talk to some parents during the retreat, and it was very pleasant.
Throughout the retreat, they seemed to be very interested in my future marital plans...
This one lady started to give me her experiences in dating and in marriage. Her main points were:
1. Even if I don't like the girl at first, don't write her off. AND even if she does not like you, don't give up.
2. Marriage is all about UNDERSTANDING one another. She told me that being married for 4 years, she is only now understanding her husband 0.5%.
3. All relationships are in need of INTENTIONAL work.
She was so sincere and caring when she was talking to me. I appreciated her genuineness to share her wisdom and experience with me! : )
I agree with her in pts 2 and 3. I haven't said NO to pt 1, but it's not settling well in my heart. But since she was talking out of her experience, I will hold it for a little and think about it.
One thing for sure though: I WILL NEVER SETTLE! : ) Meaning, I will not marry for marriage sake.
In all, I had a good time! : )
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